Depression

So this post is mostly just me venting to anonymous, so if your don't care for whiny teenagers i suggest you leave now...

Anyways I've recently lost all my friends  that i used to be really close with. It's made me isolate myself. I have a hard time making friends and talking to people, but having friends always boosted my confidence so i could talk to people and come off as outgoing... or obnoxious. I don't know.

 Although now i just cant seem to muster up enough courage to make a new friend. i hate it i feel alone and its getting tougher to go through adolescence alone.

I have a boyfriend, Abel. He is my only true friend that i can actually be my 100% self with. I hate saying this because i don't want to sound like i don't appreciate him.... but sometimes a girl just needs her girlfriends.

 I have to say there are a few girls who are making the effort to reach out and be my friend. They invite me out and over to sleepovers. At first it sounds really fun and i get excited.. although as the event gets closer i ALWAYS back out. It's like just before i freak myself out and it just doesn't sound  as fun anymore, and i always end up being the one missing out.

I'm so tired of it but i cant change. Nothing is fun anymore and I'm sad. I hate saying that but i really am. I just wish i could stop being so dependent on other people. Like my old friends used to be my comfort blanket and now Abel is. I want to be happy and be responsible for it.

 I've turned completely anti social and people hate me... its making me hate myself. I have soo much to say and no one to say it to. I just want a friend, i WANT to be able to open up to or relate to people. I want out.